Here I Am

About 10 years ago, I attended a theological symposium at my alma mater Concordia Seminary in St. Louis.

I remember feeling that as I walked among the buildings that held so much promise for me when I was student in the early 1990’s, that there was so much more ahead of me. As I walked among the buildings with fallen leaves crunching under my feet, I reminisced about the past. At first I felt a sense of loss. Ten years after graduation, was I really where I thought I would be?

This was not the first time I had walked among those buildings with a sense of loss. Two years after arriving on the campus, fresh out of college, I didn’t have much hope for the future. Classes weren’t going well and I was distracted from my studies. I was thinking of giving up becoming a pastor. I felt that I missed something along the way. My life wasn’t turning out the way I had thought it would. But my life soon changed dramatically!

Ten years later, as I walked among the buildings again, I realized my life turned out better than I had hoped it would. It is vastly different from what I thought it would be, but it is so much better that I spend very little time now thinking about how my life could have been had this happened or that not happened.

This morning, as I walked over to the church office from the parsonage, the leaves crunching beneath my feet as they did so long ago on my walk across the campus of Concordia Seminary, I found myself dreaming again. It has been 27 years since I first arrived at seminary. During the seven years I lived and studied among those buildings, I had dreams live and die. At the end of my time there, God gave me a new dream – one I would share with my new wife.

It has been a dream of what God could actually do with my (our) life. But it had taken almost 10 years for that dream to come into focus.

And as soon as that dream came into focus God revealed to me a new dream.

What do I want to do with my life? What is it that I want to do in God’s kingdom? I’ve been a pastor for 19 years. I’ve preached nearly 1000 sermons, led over 1500 Bible classes. I’ve taught Luther’s Small Catechism to 19 classes of children. God has used me to touch so many lives. I know I’ve messed up a lot along the way, but I have faith in God that He is the Almighty who can work through my messes.

I remember talking with a friend of mine about 10 years ago and he said that he felt that there was a momentous change coming in his life. He felt that God was going to be doing something in his life very soon. He didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know if it would involve a move away from where he was at the time or not (it did and not very long after that conversation). He only knew that God was going to do something dramatic in his life very soon.

That’s sort of like how I feel now. God has been preparing me for something. He’s brought me to this place in His kingdom. He has used me as His instrument of change. I feel that God is going to do it again – possibly soon but I’m not sure. I can see things working in my life, preparing me for something. Something that God will use to bring transformation to this world. Maybe not the whole world, but maybe the parts of the world that I come into contact with.

In the Bible, these kinds of moments often included God calling a person by name.

“Abraham….”

“Samuel….”

“Ananias….”

And when any of these people were called by God, they all initially responded in the same way.

“Here I am.”

Never, “Who are you?” “Here I am,” takes faith. And that same faith is given to each of us through God’s means of Grace – the Holy Scripture, Holy Baptism – and strengthened through Holy Scripture and Holy Communion.

I believe God has called each one of us to be in this place “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).

He’s calling you and  I by name.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, let us answer, “Here I am.”

How Do You Hear Me?

I deal with “words” in almost everything I do. I write sermons. I write devotions. I write articles for blogs. I speak, preach, and even sing every now and then.

I still find myself dismayed or even angry when what I say or write isn’t received as I intended it to be heard or read.

It is a reminder to me that communicating is a “two-way street.” Even when I’m writing a blog post or preaching a sermon, I should not think of it as a monologue. It is a dialogue – because it involves at least two people, me and the person or persons who hear (or read) me.

I strive to be thankful when that communication actually becomes a dialogue where we speak to each other. 

Even if the response is negative.

For the response may be negative or positive, as you might expect. However, it also may be positive and I receive it as negative. That’s when I have to be reminded of a simple, little formula I came up with a few weeks ago for a devotion that I shared with some friends.

It was about emails and text messages, but it is relevant for any communication.

Send with the best intention.

Receive with the best construction.

At the heart of all communication is exactly that – the heart. What is in my heart develops into my communication. If I am loving God and loving my neighbor, then what I say or write will be “sent” with the best of intention. This is living the truth of “Christ who lives in me.”

Then I have to be reminded that after I say or write “with the best intention” I cannot control how what I say or write is received. I pray that it will be received with the best construction, but I know this doesn’t always happen. And I simply can’t control that!

The relationship I have with the person hearing or reading me can go a long way to being received with the best construction – and that will help me to put what I want to say in a proper context. But the stark truth is that I simply cannot control how what I say is received.

When I’m feeling particularly hurt or scared, the temptation will be to stop communicating. Just shut up and shut down. That way no one can take what I say the wrong way. No one gets hurt.

But that isn’t true either. I’m hurt – because I cannot communicate what I want to say. Others may get hurt – because they won’t hear what God wants them to hear (speaking as a preacher of the Gospel here).

I hope you will read this with the best construction, because I really am writing it with the best intention.

Let me know, please?

Journey to Calvary: "Falling on Deaf Ears"

“Answer me quickly, O LORD; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit.” - Psalm 143:7

The Saturday before Easter has always been kind of a quiet day for me. After worshiping on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, it is a day of personal reflection and devotion.

On that first “Holy Saturday” Jesus was dead and buried. This is quite an amazing thing when you think about it. Jesus is the Son of God – the Third Person of the Trinity – and he’s dead!

In the Psalms, the grave is referred to many times as “the pit.” Here is Jesus now. In the pit of the grave. A devastating thought for us who believe that it is only through Jesus that our prayers are heard by God the Father.

But Jesus didn’t stay dead. He rose from the dead on the third day. That’s tomorrow! And because Jesus lives, the Lord answers us quickly, he does not hide his face from us at all!

Application: Think of five people you know that do not know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Spend five minutes in prayer for each person. Include in your prayer a request that God use you to reach them by bringing them to worship tomorrow.

Prayer: Heavenly Father, on this day Jesus rested in the tomb and thus made the graves of those who die believe in Jesus a place a rest as well. May we rest secure knowing that when our last hour comes we will rest and be raised on the last day when Jesus comes back to take us to heaven. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Journey to Calvary: "Remember"

Note: In 2003 I was asked to write the Lutheran Hour Ministries Lenten Devotional Booklet titled “Journey to Calvary.” Over the next few days, I’ll be reposting on this blog the last four devotions. – Ed

“So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” - Psalm 143:4-5

Jesus’ last week. Everything he had been doing for the past three years or so has been leading up to this last week. And now he was at the last night. So much to say, so much to do. It would not surprise me if this portion of Psalm 143 was going through Jesus’ mind on that last Thursday evening.

His hands broke the bread and passed it out to his disciples. His hands held up the cup and he announced that the wine it held was now his blood.

These hands that broke bread and held the cup would, 12 hours later, be nailed to a cross. Body broken by nails. Blood shed.

Why?

Love. Jesus gives the sacrament meal of his Supper to his Church out of love. He died on the cross because he loves us. Forgiveness of all our sins. This is what we receive in the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper. This is what Jesus gives us when he died on the cross.

“Do this in remembrance of me.”

Remember.

Application: Attend worship tonight. If you’ve never taken the Lord’s Supper at the church you attend, talk with the pastor beforehand (you may want to arrive a little earlier than usual).

Prayer: Heavenly Father, may I never forget the love of Jesus. On the night before his death, he showed great love to me. Help me to show love to others. In Jesus’ name. Amen.