Here I Am

About 10 years ago, I attended a theological symposium at my alma mater Concordia Seminary in St. Louis.

I remember feeling that as I walked among the buildings that held so much promise for me when I was student in the early 1990’s, that there was so much more ahead of me. As I walked among the buildings with fallen leaves crunching under my feet, I reminisced about the past. At first I felt a sense of loss. Ten years after graduation, was I really where I thought I would be?

This was not the first time I had walked among those buildings with a sense of loss. Two years after arriving on the campus, fresh out of college, I didn’t have much hope for the future. Classes weren’t going well and I was distracted from my studies. I was thinking of giving up becoming a pastor. I felt that I missed something along the way. My life wasn’t turning out the way I had thought it would. But my life soon changed dramatically!

Ten years later, as I walked among the buildings again, I realized my life turned out better than I had hoped it would. It is vastly different from what I thought it would be, but it is so much better that I spend very little time now thinking about how my life could have been had this happened or that not happened.

This morning, as I walked over to the church office from the parsonage, the leaves crunching beneath my feet as they did so long ago on my walk across the campus of Concordia Seminary, I found myself dreaming again. It has been 27 years since I first arrived at seminary. During the seven years I lived and studied among those buildings, I had dreams live and die. At the end of my time there, God gave me a new dream – one I would share with my new wife.

It has been a dream of what God could actually do with my (our) life. But it had taken almost 10 years for that dream to come into focus.

And as soon as that dream came into focus God revealed to me a new dream.

What do I want to do with my life? What is it that I want to do in God’s kingdom? I’ve been a pastor for 19 years. I’ve preached nearly 1000 sermons, led over 1500 Bible classes. I’ve taught Luther’s Small Catechism to 19 classes of children. God has used me to touch so many lives. I know I’ve messed up a lot along the way, but I have faith in God that He is the Almighty who can work through my messes.

I remember talking with a friend of mine about 10 years ago and he said that he felt that there was a momentous change coming in his life. He felt that God was going to be doing something in his life very soon. He didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know if it would involve a move away from where he was at the time or not (it did and not very long after that conversation). He only knew that God was going to do something dramatic in his life very soon.

That’s sort of like how I feel now. God has been preparing me for something. He’s brought me to this place in His kingdom. He has used me as His instrument of change. I feel that God is going to do it again – possibly soon but I’m not sure. I can see things working in my life, preparing me for something. Something that God will use to bring transformation to this world. Maybe not the whole world, but maybe the parts of the world that I come into contact with.

In the Bible, these kinds of moments often included God calling a person by name.

“Abraham….”

“Samuel….”

“Ananias….”

And when any of these people were called by God, they all initially responded in the same way.

“Here I am.”

Never, “Who are you?” “Here I am,” takes faith. And that same faith is given to each of us through God’s means of Grace – the Holy Scripture, Holy Baptism – and strengthened through Holy Scripture and Holy Communion.

I believe God has called each one of us to be in this place “for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14).

He’s calling you and  I by name.

Through the power of the Holy Spirit, let us answer, “Here I am.”

Character Building: Honesty

I talked about integrity as my favorite characteristic last time. Another characteristic that goes hand-in-hand with integrity is “honesty.”

To my humiliation, honesty was the hardest of the characteristics for me to muster when I was younger. I didn’t have to lie about myself and what I did or didn’t do, but I did.

I think it was because I was not happy with who I was. I was a somewhat overweight, shy, kid. I found it hard to make a lot of friends. But there I go again, not being completely honest! I have been blessed with a number of great, close, committed friends in my life. A handful of those I still count as my dearest friends. They had the insight to see through the tales I told of myself and love me anyway! Truly, they imitated God in this way.

So, to be honest, I felt like I couldn’t make friends unless I became someone I wasn’t. So I would invite stories about myself, thinking my real life was boring or ordinary. As I pause to look back over my life, it really has been anything but ordinary! But I couldn’t see the truth of that at the time.

As I strive to be a man of integrity, I know that honesty is going to have to be a huge part of this goal.

No more lies. No more dishonesty. I know (now) that lies catch up with you eventually. No matter how vociferous the denial, the truth always comes out in the end. Sometimes it is a relief. Because it is true that it is easier on the brain to tell the truth – because you don’t have to remember anything when you tell the truth! But sometimes when the truth comes to light, it is devastating. “I’m not hurting anyone but myself” is rarely – if ever – true, especially when being dishonest.

Now, having said “no more lies” I think something needs to be said about prudence and “speaking the truth in love.”

Can I be honest when my wife asks me “do these pants make my butt look fat?” (And for the record, she never asks me this question – it’s just a hypothetical here.) What if they really do? It wouldn’t be prudent to tell her that. For one reason, it would hurt her feelings. Another reason, she would probably hurt me!

While honesty is always the best policy, it is also important to remember that God’s Word tells that should speak the truth “in love” (Ephesians 4:15). I realize my hypothetical situation is wrought with danger. I realize that it would just be easier to “tell a white lie” in this situation. It will also spare my wife’s feelings (and my head). But remember “integrity”? It can be defined as “doing the right thing even when doing the wrong thing is easier.”

In situations like my hypothetical, it is going to take some effort to avoid hurting someone’s feelings while, at the same time, speaking the truth. Love has so much to do with it. How I talk to my wife – to anyone, really – should be deeply rooted in my relationship with them and with God. When I overlook that particular truth, then it will be very hard to speak the truth in love.

Being honest and living honestly will develop a person in a true man or woman of character as well as a true man or woman of God. It will almost never be easy. But it will be possible, by the power of the Holy Spirit working in us through God’s Word. The more we immerse ourselves in the truth of God’s Word, the more we’ll be able to speak the language of truth and live a life of truth.

It will also take courage, but that’s a whole new topic – one we’ll explore next time.

Integrity

“It’s sometimes easier to do the wrong thing, but it’s always better to do the right thing”

- Tony Dungy’s Mom (Uncommon, pg 11).

Humility is being “humble” or being “humbled.” It is usually better if you humble yourself rather than being humbled by someone else. Being humbled by someone else is usually called “humiliation” and that is a negative word in our culture.

A very positive word for me is the word “integrity.” Of the six words on the whiteboard above my desk – Humility, Integrity, Honesty, Courage, Faithfulness, and Wisdom – I think “integrity” is my favorite.

I don’t think there is a greater compliment that could be given to me than to say that I have “integrity.” Ironically enough – or maybe not so much – is that I have never heard anyone describe me as having integrity.

As I think about it, the reason may be because integrity is intricately connected to the other traits on my list. And when I was younger I was not very successful in cultivating the other traits – as anyone who knew me as a teenager and in college could – to my humiliation – attest.

But I want to have integrity. It has become one of my goals to be a man about whom it will be said, “He is a man of integrity.”

The good news for me is that there is still time. As long as I have a breath in this world, I still have time, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to become a man of whom it can be said has integrity.

I strive to be a man who people can count on to do what I said I would do. That hasn’t always been the case with me (ask the same people I mentioned above). I’ve also been working on being a husband my wife can count on and trust when I’m not around her. I’ve worked at that for the last 22 years. Successfully, I believe. So much so that if I were to go away to an out-of-town meeting or event, she trusts that I’m still faithful to the wedding vows I made to her in August of 1991.

While I’m still working toward my goal of being known as a man of integrity, I am encouraged by Tony Dungy, who wrote in his book, Uncommon:

“Integrity is … no respecter of position or wealth or race or gender…. Integrity does not come in degrees … you either have integrity or you do not” (Uncommon, pp13-14).

Integrity is something I have to actively decide that I’m going to have. And I have to decide that I’m going to have it each and every day – even multiple times a day. It doesn’t matter if I’ve got money in the bank or not, whether I’m a Senior Pastor or Assistant Pastor, or whether I’m anything at all.

It matters that I’m a man of God, following in His footsteps, living the life His Son Jesus lived and died to give me.

It is my prayer that my family will be able to honestly put these words on my tombstone:

Here rests a man of integrity.

Character Building: Humility

This is true for me: if I don’t humble myself, I will be humbled by someone – or Someone – else. I won’t say it’s true for others, but I suspect it might be. But, ironically enough, I can only talk about my own humility.

My wife has this saying she pulls out whenever she passes through the living and the football game is on. If a touchdown is made, most of the time the player is dancing his “touchdown dance” she’ll say, “That guy needs to humble himself.”

Yeah, I’m with her on that one. I usually follow up with the comment, “He needs to act like he’s been in the end zone before.”

I know that there’s a difference between joy at accomplishing something and drawing attention to oneself for accomplishing something. There is a deep-rooted desire to be recognized for what we do. I think this is actually a God-given trait; even Jesus basked in the glow of hearing His Father say, “This is my beloved Son.” Twice! But in us it has been tainted by sin in the Fall.

I try to humble myself. After 47 years I finally have the confidence in myself to do this some of the time. But I know that if I don’t humble myself, God is going to humble me.

He’s reminded me that my life is not “all about me.” I’m not the superstar on this team. I’m not the head coach. I’m not even the offensive coordinator! I’m a player of this team of God’s. I’m part of the team but not an indispensable part of it. When I start to think that the team can’t get along without me, God takes me aside and to tell me that isn’t the case.

“I love you. I really do. But you are not the end-all-be-all of this team. That role can only be filled by perfection and righteousness. You don’t have what it takes to be that guy. If you try you will fail, and I don’t want you to fail! I love you too much for that! Let Jesus take that position. He’s perfectly suited for it. But I still want you on the team and will work with you and develop you into an important part of the team.”

So this is my prayer:

Father, I want to be humble – Godly-humble. Make me into the team member that will help to bring ultimate victory to Your team. Please keep me in Your care. Please continue to work with me, to develop my skills. Please give me the desire and the will to perform to the utmost of the abilities You have given me. And please continue to forgive me when I fall and fail. Thank You for the Superstar of this team, Your Son Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.

In the Name of God

²⁴The LORD bless you and keep you; ²⁵ the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; ²⁶ the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. – Numbers 6:24-26 ESV.

Happy New Year!

This is the day where we all get to start out fresh. I gave up resolutions years ago and switched to setting goals for myself. What’s the difference? My friend Sharideth taught me this one: The difference between a resolution and a goal is eight letters. And how it makes you feel when you don’t get it 100% right. In other words, the moment you miss the mark on a resolution, you feel like a failure and the resolution is over.  

But when you miss the mark with a goal, then that’s just a setback.  The difference is mental.  One is devastating, the other can be mobilizing.

So, no resolutions for me, only goals!

My number one goal in this New Year is to wear the name of God like it was a brightly painted necktie! My goal is live my life so that everyone knows that I bear the name of God on me.

The Bible verse at the beginning of this devotion is known as the “Aaronic Blessing” or the “Benediction.” It is usually spoken to God’s people at the end of a worship service.

But it is more than a simple “amen, let’s get going” type of thing. It is the Word of God spoken to His people that literally puts His name on them. As God’s people leave the sanctuary, they head out into the world wearing the name of God.

The name of God is a powerful thing. In the name of God or the name of Jesus people are healed, raised from the dead, forgiven of their sins, saved from death and hell.

My goal for 2012 is to live my life in the name of God. I will fail at times. But that’s the beauty of living in the name of God, the name of Jesus – which means “The Lord Saves.” When I fail, God forgives me for the sake of Jesus! Living in the name of God is living in the awesome power of God.

I believe that now, more than ever before, we need people living in that power. 2012 is going to be an interesting year. Some people believe that this is the year the world ends. Who’s to say? It could happen. But an ancient calendar that happens to run out of dates on December 21, 2012 doesn’t really scare me. After all, Jesus Christ Himself said, “But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only” (Matthew 24:36 ESV). So if that’s the case, there’s really nothing to get worked up about, is there?

Instead, live in the name of God in 2012. Make that your goal (not your resolution)!