Character Building: Honesty

I talked about integrity as my favorite characteristic last time. Another characteristic that goes hand-in-hand with integrity is “honesty.”

To my humiliation, honesty was the hardest of the characteristics for me to muster when I was younger. I didn’t have to lie about myself and what I did or didn’t do, but I did.

I think it was because I was not happy with who I was. I was a somewhat overweight, shy, kid. I found it hard to make a lot of friends. But there I go again, not being completely honest! I have been blessed with a number of great, close, committed friends in my life. A handful of those I still count as my dearest friends. They had the insight to see through the tales I told of myself and love me anyway! Truly, they imitated God in this way.

So, to be honest, I felt like I couldn’t make friends unless I became someone I wasn’t. So I would invite stories about myself, thinking my real life was boring or ordinary. As I pause to look back over my life, it really has been anything but ordinary! But I couldn’t see the truth of that at the time.

As I strive to be a man of integrity, I know that honesty is going to have to be a huge part of this goal.

No more lies. No more dishonesty. I know (now) that lies catch up with you eventually. No matter how vociferous the denial, the truth always comes out in the end. Sometimes it is a relief. Because it is true that it is easier on the brain to tell the truth – because you don’t have to remember anything when you tell the truth! But sometimes when the truth comes to light, it is devastating. “I’m not hurting anyone but myself” is rarely – if ever – true, especially when being dishonest.

Now, having said “no more lies” I think something needs to be said about prudence and “speaking the truth in love.”

Can I be honest when my wife asks me “do these pants make my butt look fat?” (And for the record, she never asks me this question – it’s just a hypothetical here.) What if they really do? It wouldn’t be prudent to tell her that. For one reason, it would hurt her feelings. Another reason, she would probably hurt me!

While honesty is always the best policy, it is also important to remember that God’s Word tells that should speak the truth “in love” (Ephesians 4:15). I realize my hypothetical situation is wrought with danger. I realize that it would just be easier to “tell a white lie” in this situation. It will also spare my wife’s feelings (and my head). But remember “integrity”? It can be defined as “doing the right thing even when doing the wrong thing is easier.”

In situations like my hypothetical, it is going to take some effort to avoid hurting someone’s feelings while, at the same time, speaking the truth. Love has so much to do with it. How I talk to my wife – to anyone, really – should be deeply rooted in my relationship with them and with God. When I overlook that particular truth, then it will be very hard to speak the truth in love.

Being honest and living honestly will develop a person in a true man or woman of character as well as a true man or woman of God. It will almost never be easy. But it will be possible, by the power of the Holy Spirit working in us through God’s Word. The more we immerse ourselves in the truth of God’s Word, the more we’ll be able to speak the language of truth and live a life of truth.

It will also take courage, but that’s a whole new topic – one we’ll explore next time.

Character Building: Humility

This is true for me: if I don’t humble myself, I will be humbled by someone – or Someone – else. I won’t say it’s true for others, but I suspect it might be. But, ironically enough, I can only talk about my own humility.

My wife has this saying she pulls out whenever she passes through the living and the football game is on. If a touchdown is made, most of the time the player is dancing his “touchdown dance” she’ll say, “That guy needs to humble himself.”

Yeah, I’m with her on that one. I usually follow up with the comment, “He needs to act like he’s been in the end zone before.”

I know that there’s a difference between joy at accomplishing something and drawing attention to oneself for accomplishing something. There is a deep-rooted desire to be recognized for what we do. I think this is actually a God-given trait; even Jesus basked in the glow of hearing His Father say, “This is my beloved Son.” Twice! But in us it has been tainted by sin in the Fall.

I try to humble myself. After 47 years I finally have the confidence in myself to do this some of the time. But I know that if I don’t humble myself, God is going to humble me.

He’s reminded me that my life is not “all about me.” I’m not the superstar on this team. I’m not the head coach. I’m not even the offensive coordinator! I’m a player of this team of God’s. I’m part of the team but not an indispensable part of it. When I start to think that the team can’t get along without me, God takes me aside and to tell me that isn’t the case.

“I love you. I really do. But you are not the end-all-be-all of this team. That role can only be filled by perfection and righteousness. You don’t have what it takes to be that guy. If you try you will fail, and I don’t want you to fail! I love you too much for that! Let Jesus take that position. He’s perfectly suited for it. But I still want you on the team and will work with you and develop you into an important part of the team.”

So this is my prayer:

Father, I want to be humble – Godly-humble. Make me into the team member that will help to bring ultimate victory to Your team. Please keep me in Your care. Please continue to work with me, to develop my skills. Please give me the desire and the will to perform to the utmost of the abilities You have given me. And please continue to forgive me when I fall and fail. Thank You for the Superstar of this team, Your Son Jesus Christ, in whose name I pray. Amen.