The True Man - King

We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;

For he to-day that sheds his blood with me

Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition:

And gentlemen in England now a-bed

Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,

And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks

That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

-          Henry V, William Shakespeare

A king rallies his troops. He draws around himself a “band of brothers.” He has entered the season of the King!

The king is a leader. He’s a mentor. He is in a position to pass along what he has learned in all the previous seasons.

The Season of the King will be successful – as all the previous seasons – as we soak in what the other seasons give us. We cannot skip over to the Season of the King as it is a time to pass on what we know and have learned. If we haven’t learned it, then we can’t really pass it on.

Some thoughts on a “Band of Brothers.”

The HBO mini-series “Band of Brothers” is a great example of men in the Season of Warrior. However, the film Henry V fits so very well to exemplify this Season of the King. But having mentioned “Band of Brothers” I must say some more about it. If you’ve seen the series or read the book, you know that the men of E Company, 506^th Parachute Infantry Regiment of the 101^st Airborne Division were truly a “Band of Brothers” brought together by war. As Stephen Ambrose writes, they “came from different backgrounds, different parts of the country. They were farmers and coal miners, mountain men and sons of the Deep South. Some were desperately poor, others from the middle class. One came from Harvard, one from Yale, a couple from UCLA…. They came together in the summer of 1942, by which time the Europeans had been at war for three years. By the late spring of 1944, they had become an elite company of airborne light infantry.” When the war ended in Europe in 1945, they anticipated being shipped to the Pacific Theater, but in August of 1945, the war came to an end. “The job completed, the company disbanded, the men went home.”

This “band of brothers” was made of up officers and enlisted men, certainly, but they were equals. They were not really “mentored” in the way that we are talking about in the Season of the King. And I use Easy Company to illustrate that the concept of a “band of brothers” must be understood as temporary. Vitally important, but still temporary. A “band of brothers” is formed to get a job done, to complete a quest. It isn’t meant to be a life-long fellowship like marriage is. Easy Company went through terrible times together. But when the war ended, they went their separate ways, for the most part.

In Henry V, King Harry calls his men a “band of brothers.” Again, this was a temporary group. They were together to fight a battle. Only as a band of brothers would they have any hope of survival (and even then it wasn’t guaranteed). Only as a band of brothers would they have any hope of victory – which is exactly what happened at Agincourt.

But those men, those happy few, that “band of brothers” illustrate the important point of the Season of the King. Mentoring. The man who enters the Season of the King enters to mentor. The Season of the King brings together a “band of brothers.” The man in the Season of the King passes on vitally important information and advice.

A King leads. It’s as simple as that. But there’s nothing simple about it. As Americans, we have no direct experience of a king. Truly there haven’t been real kings for a long time. Our examples today now come from movies and history. Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings, David in 1 & 2 Samuel. But those are two very good examples of the Season of the King.

When I was a fourth-year seminary student, I thought I knew it all, I thought I was ready for it all. The summer I was ordained, I was installed as a pastor in a very small parish in rural Michigan. I knew it was temporary, as I told my friends that I would be District President by the time I was 35 and Synodical President by the time I was 50. I was cautioned, however, that “a man should not seek the office, but the office should seek the man.” Now, 17 years later, I have no aspirations for either of those two offices or any others. I am content with being an Assistant Pastor on a wonderful ministry team. I am content with being a husband and father. God has a way of putting you in the positions where you will have the most influence!

It is said that when Augustine was made Bishop of Hippo he wept because he felt so inadequate for the job.

The Season of the King must be lived before it can be reached. By that I mean that we must live the character of a king before we can actually be a king. If by some freak accident of nature I had become District President at age 35, I would have destroyed that district! As it is, I’m so very thankful that God doesn’t let me damage the parishes I served as pastor too much simply because I was still learning about this Season of the King.

If young men are going to have any hope of becoming a True Man of God in this world, they will need a mentor.

Howard Hendricks’ classic speech, “A Mandate for Mentoring” makes the point that every man needs a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. In other words, a man to mentor him, a man to encourage him, and a man whom he can mentor. Any man who becomes a father automatically has a “Timothy” given to him. It’s a ready-made, God-made, mentoring relationship.

But we can also mentor in other ways:

            Being a Bible class leader for young men or teens

            Being a little league coach

            At work with your staff or even less-experienced co-workers

Keys to being a mentor:

-          Don’t just assume that you can be a mentor because you’ve had experience in some area. A mentor relationship is based on trust and trust has to be earned.

-          Don’t skip over the other seasons of life to become a mentor. You could be a mentor to a cowboy if you are in a later season, but the best mentor will be one who has successfully navigated life to get to the Season of the King.

-          Know that a mentor is a temporary thing. As a mentor, you are guiding someone younger or less experienced than you through seasons that you yourself have already gone through. But once they are ready to move on to a new season, you’re role as mentor can come to an end.

True Man - Lover

The lover stage is set up by the Warrior stage because in love we also must “fight” – work hard, not think of ourselves, put effort (a lot of effort) in our relationship with our wives.

If we’ve gone through the stages as God intended, by the time we get to the “lover” stage, we should be ready for this unique and challenging season.

To be a lover as God intends us to be, we need to have soaked in all that God would have us in both the Cowboy stage (read about that here) and the Warrior stage (read about that here).

In the season of the Cowboy we learn to take risks, have fun and adventures that will help us grow spiritually as well as physically. In the season of the Warrior, we are trained to fight the battles that come our way because we are threats to the “prince of this world” (Satan).

There are many men who rush to the lover stage right out of boyhood. They are prepared physically but not even close to being prepared mentally or emotionally. That kind of preparation only comes with going through the seasons of cowboy and warrior.

John Eldredge makes a great point in Wild at Heart:
Just as every little boy is asking one question, every little girl is, as well. But her question isn’t so much about her strength. No, the deep cry of a little girl’s heart is am I lovely? Every woman needs to know that she is exquisite and exotic and chosen. This is core to her identity, the way she bears the image of God. Will you pursue me? Do you delight in me? Will you fight for me? And like every little boy, she has taken a wound as well…. A little girl looks to her father to know if she is lovely…. So many unloved women turn to boys to try to hear what they never heard from their father. [Wild at Heart, John Eldredge, page 183]

He talks about wounds that are received by boys and girls from their fathers. The wound for a boy is “You don’t have what it takes to be a man.” The wound for a girl is “You are not captivating enough for my love.” When a girl doesn’t get that question answered by her own father, then she goes looking for the answer in another male.

She will go to another man and give anything she can to hear that she is loved. And a man who has not soaked in the cowboy and warrior seasons will take advantage of that – perhaps thinking, naively enough, that it is his right.

To help understand this, let me tell you a little bit about two girls that I once taught in a seventh and eighth grade religion class.

One is abused by her mother. Grandmother is suing for custody but they don’t get along (because she is too strict).

One doesn’t know who her biological father is. Her step-father is gay, was incarcerated for several years but is now out of jail and wanting to get back into his step-daughter’s life.

Both were dating guys in a True Young Men’s group I was leading at the time. I worked with them to try to help them understand that these girls were taking their question to them and the distinct possibility is that they would do anything for these guys to get a positive answer to “Am I lovely? Am I worth fighting for?” Anything.

The Season of the Lover demands us to fight for love. To be a lover-warrior. We’ll need to know how to be a warrior from the Season of the Warrior. We will seek the adventure of love within the boundaries that God intended (marriage) because we have been trained for adventure in the Season of the Cowboy.

For men who are not married (but hope to be someday): Your future spouse has been chosen for you by God. From the day she was born, she was intended by God for you. This is His daughter. He will present her to you when you are ready – that is what He intends. As such – the daughter of God – she deserves your purity, your integrity, and your love and desire. Develop all that by living through the Seasons as God intends.

For those who are married: your wife – again as a daughter of God – deserves your protection. Her honor is in your hands. Fight for her. Don’t let anything get in the way, don’t let anything take her away. Which includes: work. The internet. Drink. Sports. “The guys.” You get the picture.

The Season of the Lover is important because it is through love that we truly begin to understand our God. 1 John 4:16 tells us that “God is love.” One of the most popular ways to express love is through poetry. However, poetry isn’t exactly the most masculine of things – at least the way we think of poetry in this day and age. But if we can just get beyond the strange cadence and all that rhyming and get to the meat that lies underneath, we’ll begin to understand the language of this season.

Now, I’m not saying we all need to go out and buy a book of poems and make that our evening reading assignments. Some guys get poetry and some don’t. God knows I’ve tried but I just haven’t found it yet (however, I’m limited in my experience at this point).

But think about this for a moment. In the Old Testament, who would you consider to be the epitome of a man – a real man’s man? If you said King David you’re tuned right in to me. Here was a guy who could kill a lion or bear with his hands, maybe a sling at the most. He faced a nine-foot-tall warrior with just a sling and a stone. He spent fourteen years on the run from a king he loved but who wanted to kill him. He was the successful soldier of who it was said, “Saul kills his thousands, but David his tens of thousands.” This is a man.

But he would be more accurately called Israel’s Warrior-Poet. He wrote poetry! And do you know what his favorite subject was? His love of God!

Take a few minutes to reflect on some of the poetry of David and as you read through these, jot down some notes about the relationship with God that David’s poetry presents.

Psalms
36:8
4:7
6:6
16:11
42:1
63:1
63:3
27:4

The True Man - Warrior

The True Man goes through seasons in life.

I’ve posted about the Season of Boyhood and the Season of the Cowboy.

Now we come to the Season of the Warrior.

This doesn’t mean we all join the Army, Marines or any other branch of service. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

Rather, this season reinforces the reality that we are at war in this life. We are made to be warriors, to fight for what is right, to protect our wives and families.

The rise of what is sometimes referred to as the “second wave feminist” movement in the 1960’s brought a change to this season in a man’s life by trying to eliminate it. Fighting for such rights as abortion, pushing an agenda that has at is foundation that there is no real difference between a man and a woman.

While I agree that in Christ there is no “male or female, slave or free,” that all are equally loved in the heart of God, I disagree that there is no difference between men and women. There’s huge differences, for which we should thank God!

Men, we were made to be warriors.

In Genesis it says we are created in the image of God. In Exodus it says, “The Lord is a Warrior, the Lord is his name.”

From Genesis chapter 3 on, we live in a world at war. All the wars that have happened since then have been pale comparisons to the War that is being waged against us. As Paul says in Ephesians

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

This we know. We are at war. But this war plays out in different ways.

Steve Farrar writes in Point Man, “Gentlemen, this is no imaginary situation. It is reality. If you are a husband/father, than you are in a war. War has been declared upon the family, on your family and mine. Leading a family through the chaos of American culture is like leading a small patrol through enemy-occupied territory. And the casualties in this war are as real as the names etched on the Vietnam Memorial.” (Point Man, page 22).

You see, Satan has moved his focus away from the church and to the family because if he can destroy the family, the Church is that much weaker! The first church a child will know about, the first place he will hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ, is at home from mom and dad. If Satan can destroy that, the Church has a much harder time getting the Gospel message out to the world.

Once we understand that we are at war and that his war’s battlefronts are all around us (and not just “out there” in the mission field or where Christians are persecuted), then we will be in a much better position to fight those battles.

Where are the battle lines? Everywhere!

There’s a great scene about this from a somewhat  unusual source – the movie “You’ve Got Mail” (click here to watch it).

Warriors are not just found on the battlefields of the world. We are at war every day! In every day life – at the office, in the bedroom, in front of the classroom, on the football field.

The Season of the Warrior is its own specific season. But there are elements of the Warrior in all seasons, starting with boyhood. Like I said before, it is because we are made in the image of God and the Lord is a warrior, the Lord is his name.

All our movies that we love have a warrior theme to them. Even a movie like “You’ve Got Mail.” We fight in all areas of life because in all areas of life, there are still things worthy fighting for.

“When Alexander the Great died, his massive empire was divided among several high-ranking officers in his cabinet. What we would refer to as the Middle East, including Israel, came under the rule of the Seluecids, who continued Alexander’s mission to Hellenize the locals, making all the world Greek in its customs and values. What began as the seemingly innocent importation of Greek culture became increasingly hostile, and eventually violent. The Seleucid overlords took a special hatred of the Jewish insistence on worshipping one God, seeing it—as so many dictatorships since—as a threat to their regime. In 165 BC a Greek officer holding command over the village of Modiin—not too far from Jerusalem—ordered the Jewish villagers to bow to an idol and eat the flesh of a slaughtered pig, acts that struck at the heart of Judaism, at the heart of the people for whom such a command was unthinkable. Blasphemy.

“The people refused, an argument ensued, and the Jewish high priest Mattathias killed the officer with a sword. The villagers—led by Mattathias’ five sons—took up arms against the rest of the soldiers and killed them as well. Mattathias and a growing number of his followers fled to the hills, from there launching a resistance movement against their Hellenistic oppressors. Meanwhile, Antiochus IV (current heir to the Seleucid Empire and a cruel enemy of the Jews) seized control of the temple in Jerusalem, set up in the Holy of Holies a satue of Zeus, and commanded the Jews to worship him. Those who refused to abandon God and his commands—included circumcision—were persecuted, mothers put to the sword with their infants hanging round their necks.

“Meanwhile, Mattathias had died, leaving command of his growing forces to his son Judah Maccabee, who led his outnumbered and outarmed troops against a far superior force (ten thousand Jews against more than sixty thousand Greeks and Hellenized Syrians) and eventually routed their enemies from Jerusalem. They cleansed the temple, tore down the desecrated altar (including the idol) and rebuilt one from uncut stones, after which they held a feast of worship and dedication. Of course, I am referring to the origin of the Jewish Festival of Lights, Hanukkah. Historian Thomas Cahill observed that ‘there are humiliations a proud people—even one oppressed for generations—cannot abide.’

“Indeed. It may take time, and require repeated provocation, but eventually a man must come to realize that there are certain things in life worth fighting for. Perhaps, when we appreciate the truth of this, we can better understand the heart of God.” [The Way of the Wild Heart, John Eldredge, pages 136-37]

It may take the battle hitting close to home to rouse the warrior in a man, but maybe that is exactly why God allows the battle to hit close to home.

True Man - Cowboy

When I was growing up, the quintessential cowboy was John Wayne. He was tough, he was rough, he was good (for the most part – only playing the bad guy in a handful of roles).

For American boys growing up in the 20th century, John Wayne was the role-model if they wanted to be tough, courageous, and especially if they wanted to be cowboys.

In John Eldredge’s The Way of the Wild Heart (modified and republished as Fathered by God) he notes five “seasons” that every man goes through in their life. The first season is “Boyhood,” which I wrote about in True Man – Wild Man. The second season is “The Cowboy.”

The cowboy season is full of adventure and excitement, just like in Boyhood. But now the stakes are higher. The danger is greater. But if Boyhood is lived successfully, the danger is not too high.

One of the most popular of “cowboy songs” is Don’t Fence Me In by Cole Porter and Bob Fletcher.

Oh, give me land, lots of land under starry skies above
Don't fence me in
Let me ride through the wide open country that I love
Don't fence me in

Let me be by myself in the evenin' breeze
And listen to the murmur of the cottonwood trees
Send me off forever but I ask you please
Don't fence me in

Just turn me loose, let me straddle my old saddle
Underneath the western skies
On my Cayuse, let me wander over yonder
Till I see the mountains rise

I want to ride to the ridge where the west commences
And gaze at the moon till I lose my senses
And I can't look at hovels and I can't stand fences
Don't fence me in
“Don’t fence me in.” A characteristic of the settling of the “Old West” in America was the lure of it having no boundaries.

In the 1960’s – when Baby Boomers started to have children of their own, many of these parents decided to raise their children without boundaries. “We must give our kids freedom – freedom to explore their world, themselves. That way they can figure out who they are, decide for themselves what is right and wrong, make up their own minds about how they should live.” The epitome of this philosophy was Dharma Finkelstein on Chuck Lorre TV show “Dharma and Greg.”

The problem with this is that if there are no boundaries, then there is no safety.

“Boundaries” can be many things, rules, regulations, curfews, limited allowances, etc.

But boundaries are not fences to keep the cowboy in, but are fences to keep danger out.

Let’s be clear. We cannot shelter our kids, we cannot be sheltered ourselves, from the dangerous world. That isn’t the point of boundaries. The true “cowboy” stage is that we know our limitations. We are free to explore – without fear of dying – within the boundaries set up around us.

Being a cowboy means living in the world. Boundaries don’t keep us safe from the world, they help us learn how to be safe, how to live, in the world.

Jesus Christ came to free us from sin with his sacrificial death and glorious resurrection from the dead. Jesus freed us from the sin that enslaved us. Jesus freed us from the power of the devil, the world, and our own sinful nature.

But this isn’t freedom in the sense that “we can do what we want, with no boundaries.”

The most famous set of boundaries in the history of the world is the Ten Commandments.

But when Jesus sets us free from sin through his blood and righteousness, the Ten Commandments become boundaries of safety for us. Through the freedom Jesus gives us, the Law of God becomes our trusty guide.

It is something like the railings around the observation areas on the rim of the Grand Canyon or at Vernal Falls in Yosemite National Park (I wrote about this in a blog post called “For Your Safety”).

Rather than stifling adventure, they make the adventures we live as Cowboys safe while still being dangerous.

Looking For Good

No less than three times last week I was reminded to look for more good around me.

There is so much bad in the world. So much evil. So much trouble. So much pain and sorrow. And as a Christian, I know that much of the bad that comes my may is either of my own doing (flowing out of my sinful human nature) or of the devil’s doing.

I’ve realized that I’ve been sucked into the devil’s trap of focusing on all that bad stuff. I forget the good that God gives. The Bible says, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning….” (Lamentations 3:22-23a).

When I turn my head – and my heart – to look at the mercies, at the good, that God showers on me every day my whole attitude changes. A smile comes to my face. My heart is lighter. I tend to say nice things, and do nice things, to other people.

When I’m focusing on the bad stuff in my life and in the world, I feel differently. I feel tired, worn out, beat down, and I tend to say snarky things about other people. Mostly without their knowledge. I’ll read something on Facebook that someone says about an idea being stupid and take it personally (hopefully more personally than they actually intended). Or I’ll be driving in the car and listening to talk radio and really get in a poor mood about what they are saying.

I need more good – and more God – in my life.

So, I’m being more intentional about looking for the good from God in my life today. And the second half of the passage from Lamentations is thumping in my heart!

“Great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him.’” (Lamentations 3:2b-24)

True Man - Wild Man

I recently completed leading a group of four men on a journey of discovery. We became a band of brothers that together explored who God is and who God made us to be.

We all read (and for me, it was the third time reading) the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.

I've used quite a bit of material from John Eldredge and Ransomed Heart Ministries. I've also received a bit of criticism for doing so.

One of the criticisms that that John Eldredge receives about “Wild at Heart” is his perceived “boxing” of men – putting men in the box of the wilderness. That the only way a man can really be happy and be a real man is for him to be out in the wild. I don’t agree with this criticism and I’ll tell you why in a moment, but first let’s look at Eldredge’s premise.

Genesis 2:5-9
When no bush of the field was yet in the land and no small plant of the field had yet sprung up—for the LORD God had not caused it to rain on the land, and there was no man to work the ground, and a mist was going up from the land and was watering the whole face of the ground—then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. (emphasis added)

Again, God says in verse 15:
The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. (emphasis added)

God created Adam in the wilderness and then brought him into the garden. Adam's first experience with 

life is out in the wilderness, in the wild with God.

Craig Demartino at the True Men in the Mountains Advance 2008

The point here is that man feels at home with his Father out in the wilderness as well (if not more so) as in the place of work (the garden). God gave us both, as men. Both are safe, both are wild but one more so than the other.

I contend that the wild can be anywhere. The criticism of Eldredge is that a man can only be really a man when he is out in the mountains, hiking, camping, fly-fishing, hunting, etc.

But the wild can be anywhere that isn’t work. Work is ok, there’s nothing wrong with work and a man can be a man at work – after all, God gave us work to do.

But it is in the wild that we feel most at home with our Father. These are the places where we can have adventure and excitement; the places where we can dare to dream; the places where we can push ourselves to the limit and beyond.

Think about it for a moment. What kind of movies appeal to men?

Adventure.
Science Fiction.

Action.

Have you ever asked yourself why this is so? The answer is because our Father, who made us in such a way as to enjoy adventure, excitement and action, writes our true story in just that way!

The wild can be:

A little-known and less-visited stretch of river where rainbow trout grow as long as your arm and hit only on a handful of flies that are know by even less fly-fisherman.

The backcountry that's a 26 mile drive to the trailhead, then another 3 miles of hiking to get to a campsite.

The snow-capped mountains of the Rockies or, better yet, the Himilayas.

But the wild can also be:

Water Street in downtown Milwaukee

Michigan Avenue in Chicago.

Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles.

Lower Alabama Street in Atlanta.

The wild is where our lives began and it is in the wild that our boyhood begins.

In the wild we hear and ask our first questions. The ultimate question every person has is “Am I loved.” Man, woman, boy, girl – doesn’t matter. This question is no respecter of age or gender.

In boyhood this question needs to be answered and answered correctly if a man is going to live the life that God intended for him to live.

There are times when a boy is not loved as a child. Neglect, abuse, these are ways that answer that question negatively. A man who has that kind of boyhood has the odds stacked against him. But all hope is not lost.

For we all have a Father who loves us. A Father who loves us perfectly. A Father who sent His Son to be our Brother.

Next week, I'll explore further what this means.

In Memory of Lt. Lynn "Buck" Compton

Lt. Lynn "Buck" Compton was commander of 2nd Platoon of Easy Company in the 506th PIR, 101 Airborne - the "Band of Brothers."

He died February 25, 2012 at the age of 90.

Marcus Botherton, who wrote "Call of Duty" with Compton. has written a very nice tribute to him here.

Compton was a true hero in my book. He volunteered to serve his country in World War II. He came home, raised a family, and served the people of Los Angeles, California as a public servant.

My prayers go this children and grandchildren as they "grieve with hope" the death of one of God's saints and look forward to a happy reunion in heaven, with all who fall asleep in Jesus.